frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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