Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
