a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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