I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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