Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
