mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
