There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
