he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
