he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
