seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
