I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
