I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
