so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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