I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
