just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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