My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
