Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
