I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
