Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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