your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
