On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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