I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
