Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
