just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
