do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
