Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
