im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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