DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I enjoy the company of your penis
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