I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
