i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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