Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize