On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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