I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
