he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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