Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize