i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
