No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
