u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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