Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
