No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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