I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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