YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
