So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
