i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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