I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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