so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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