Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
