I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
