did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize