That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
