Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
