I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
