overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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