true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
