just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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