I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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