I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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