note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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