I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
