Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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